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Heavenly Guardian is an affront to everything that games are now and were back in the day. It can be held up as a brazen defiance of the march of technology, a testament to when games were simple but fun (and despite all my bitching, Heavenly Guardian is still fun... to a degree). It's also a painfully generic, downright pitiful display of what 2D gaming can still offer. I don't mind old-school games, though I do feel that nostalgia often tints our perspective on really old titles until we see them with modern eyes, but that isn't the case here. I wanted a spiritual successor to Pocky & Rocky -- even if the name wasn't there. Instead, I got a game apparently transplanted from the early 90s that was stripped of its soul during the trip. There's no heart to what's happening, only a tired series of canned patterns and lifeless trudges through wintery wastes. This is not the 16-bit throwback you're looking for.
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